


I Know Nothing About Leaving but I Know I Should Do it Today

by HaylesAtwellington



Category: Agent Carter - Fandom, Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:28:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4628709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaylesAtwellington/pseuds/HaylesAtwellington
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I have to go--somewhere else. I can't stay here without--"</p>
<p>She stopped, but they all understood what she was trying to say. She couldn't stay without /him/.</p>
<p>"Where?" Morita demanded.</p>
<p>Peggy choked on her answer. "Clasified."</p>
<p>*a thing that I wrote today in a few hours just because it popped into my head*</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know Nothing About Leaving but I Know I Should Do it Today

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive any errors I am far too tired to bother with finding a beta

"I'm leaving the force."

The room went dead. Ten sets of eyes blinked in surprise as their fearless leader stood before them.

"I'm--I'm sorry, boys."

A single tear slid down her cheek and the Commandos traded knowing looks before standing and forming a tight circle around her.

"Are you sure, Carter?" Dugan whispered.

"I have to." she said, her decision made and bags already packed.

"Let's hear what she has to say." a voice barked from behind them.

They scattered and Peggy stood straighter, locking eyes with their commanding officer, Colonel Phillips.

"Sir--" she tried to begin.

"Peggy," he huffed back gruffly, "We're family in this room. Well, except for this crackpot--but under the circumstances, speak freely, Agent."

She glanced at Howard and looked down, studying the carpet. She fought valiantly to hold back her tears.

"I have to go--somewhere else. I can't stay here without--"

She stopped, but they all understood what she was trying to say. She couldn't stay without  _him_ .

"Where?" Morita demanded.

Peggy choked on her answer. "Clasified."

"What?"

"You can't be serious."

"Peg, we can't let you."

"Enough." she demanded, silencing their objections, "I have made my decision. I will miss you all dearly, but I need to get off the grid. New name, new city--"

"What if something happens to you?" Howard asked, speaking for the rest of the men.

Peggy bristled. "I can take care of myself, Howard."

Phillips cleared his throat and she held back her further arguments.

"When are you leaving?" he asked.

"Three o'clock."

"Aw, shit, Peggy," Dugan mumbled, trying to hide the tearing in his eyes.

"Alright men," Phillips said, "Say your goodbyes and make it quick."

He watched carefully as each took their turn embracing her and kiss her cheek, mumbling their well wishes around the lumps in their throats.

Peggy couldn't keep her tears back. "I'll be in touch somehow." she promised, "Don't give up on him."

The team slowly filtered out followed by a somber-looking Howard, leaving Peggy alone with the commander.

"The boys are right, you know that." he said, gesturing to the chair across from him.

Peggy stayed quiet.

"You were in deep. I can't let you leave without knowing where you are."

"Colonel--" she objected.

"Just listen to me."

She ran a hand through her hair and waited for him to continue.

"Here's the deal. You can run as far as you need to, but you tell me every damn thing--"

"I'm pregnant."

The words felt strange on her tongue and she buried her head in her arms and allowed herself a moment to let go. Her shoulders shook as she cried freely, not caring how her superior officer reacted to seeing her in such a state.

His chair squeaked as he stood and came around to her side.

She jumped as his large hand rested on her back, rubbing slow circles until she lifted her head, still crying. Phillips sighed and held out his arms for her, understanding she needed someone to lean on, even for only a moment.

"There you go," he said softly, "Let it out. You're going to be alright."

She sniffled and nodded, wiping frantically at her eyes. "I'm sorry, sir, I just--"

"Don't do that, Carter." he sighed, "You're the toughest of them all, but even you have a right to feel sad or afraid."

He released her and held her by her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "Do you want to talk about him?"

Peggy's bottom lip quivered and she shook her head. "I don't know if I can yet." she admitted.

He gave her arm a squeeze and returned to his chair, allowing her enough time to reign in her emotions and school her expression.

"When did you find out?"

Peggy couldn't help the glimpse of a smile. "After we lost Barnes. I--I didn't have the heart to tell Steve and then he was gone and I--Well, the war is over and I can't keep this quiet for much longer."

Phillips sighed. "You'll be missed. Best damn agent I ever knew. You and Rogers were like my own--" he cleared his throat, "That said, if you need  _anything_ , don't hesitate. What are your plans?"

She shrugged. "I'm not exactly certain, but I thought about buying up some property and hiring unemployed servicemen to run a farm or some sort in exchange for food to feed their families and a small income. It's the least I can do. I know Steve would want me to help however I can."

He considered her in silence for a moment or two before nodding. "Alright, Peggy, here's the plan." 

XxX

Oklahoma suited Peggy quite as well as the English countryside, though they were very different from each other. 

She spent her days fixing up the old farmhouse she now owned and keeping quietly to herself.

Her little house sat right in the middle of a large farm, far from any nosy neighbors or curious eyes.

Peggy brushed her soiled hands on her overalls and sighed happily, observing her job well done. A small vegetable garden was successfully blossoming in front of her eyes.

"The garden looks great, Miss Truesdale!"

Peggy looked up and laughed. "Thank you, Hector. How's the crop coming in?" she called back.

The short man echoed her laugh and shrugged. "You'll have to come out and see for yourself one of these days. Maybe the crop will be especially good if you bring some of that ice cold lemonade with you." he teased.

Peggy rolled her eyes in jest. "I'll see you this afternoon."

Hector gave a loud "Whoop!" and continued on, whistling cheerfully.

She loved her boys.

Every single man she hired was as honest and hard working as they came, and she treated them well for it. Thanks to Colonel Phillips, she was able to pay them well enough, plus once the crops were in, each would have a small portion to feed their families with.

Peggy stood and ran a hand over her growing stomach. It would be another three or four months before the baby came, but the anxiety increased each day.

The task of raising a child on her own was daunting enough, and here she was with the added risk of Hydra finding her and figuring out the baby had Steve's DNA, not to mention the fact that she had absolutely no idea what to expect with a child that had serum running through his or her veins.

Her heartbeat quickened at the thought and she reminded herself to breathe and stay calm. She would figure it out as the obstacles came.

The house was blessedly cool as she entered. The curtains flitted in the light breeze and she slipped out of her overalls and into her most comfortable pair of jodhpurs before heading for the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water.

She watched out the kitchen window as the men walked toward the fields together, laughing and joking the whole way, and smiled sadly.

They were remarkably similar in humor to the commandos. She realized that was likely why she had chosen these men out of all that had applied. She had needed a familiar sight.

As they disappeared from her view, Peggy set her glass in the sink and retired to her sun room where a pad of paper and a pen sat waiting. 

The sun was high in the sky when she had finally finished the last of the letters. There was one for each of the commandos, as well as one for Howard and one for the Colonel.

Each was carefully vague as to her whereabouts, but she expressed her thanks to them all for their trust and stressed that she was very safe.

Only in the letter addressed to Phillips did she mention the baby.

She wouldn't get a reply from any of them. She had a single telephone which she very rarely used, and no mailing address. It was safer that way.

Phillips knew where to find her if there was an emergency, and she could call his direct line for the same.

Peggy sighed and stretched before setting about making a few sandwiches and a pitcher of fresh lemonade.

The walk to the fields was long, but she lived for the exercise and the chance to get out of the house, and if the smiles and praise of her farmhands made her feel more than a little like she was actually doing something to help them, it certainly didn't dissuade her from visiting nearly every afternoon.

"Charles! Zed! Jack! The angels have sent their representative once more." a tall redhead called, "How are you today, ma'am?"

Peggy shook her head scoldingly and passed him a glass and the pitcher. "Better for your ridiculous idea of how to complement a lady, Mark. Eat up."

"Molly!"

"God almighty, if this isn't the sweetest sight I ever saw."

"Afternoon, Miss Truesdale! What's on the menu today?"

The conversation was light and full of laughter as they ate together, but far too soon the food was gone and the men offered their thanks and complements and returned to the fields.

Peggy tried not to think about the fact that she was partly lying to them as she walked back home. Her name, her life, Steve--She could tell no one.

She found herself sitting in a chair on the porch as the sun hung low and the boys began heading back in groups of one or two.

They each bade her a good night as they passed and she wished them and their families well.

"How did the crop look, Miss Truesdale?" Hector called as he passed, as ever the last to leave.

Peggy laughed. "I'm afraid I didn't see anything but you smelly lot today." she teased.

Hector snorted. "I guess that means you'll have to come see tomorrow."

She hummed in agreement. "I suppose you're right."

As he continued on he began to whistle cheerfully.

A smile stayed on Peggy's face long after they had gone and she had gone back inside.

A series of kicks and punches caught her by surprise and she placed a hand over the spot in her abdomen.

"Alright, little one, it's time to settle down." she said aloud, making her rounds to secure all the windows and doors.

The baby somersaulted a couple of times and continued to kick. Peggy sighed.

"Just another moment, my love." she promised as she reached behind a row of books on the bookcase and retrieved one of many handguns carefully hidden throughout the house.

She began in the kitchen, checking every closet and cupboard, every corner and under every table throughout the whole house.

Once she was satisfied that she was, indeed, alone, she bolted her bedroom door closed and readied herself for bed, carefully placing her gun under her pillow.

"Alright, darling," she said softly as finally crawled into bed, "what is it? Hmm?"

Her hands ran up and down her stomach soothingly as she whispered quietly to her child in an effort to calm the movements.

"Mummy loves you very much." she said as her eyes drifted shut, "And daddy would have loved you very much, too."

XxX

"You can't be serious." Phillips balked.

Howard smirked. "Don't be so happy, Colonel, I thought you wanted to find him."

Phillips nodded. "Where?"

The younger man rolled out a map and pointed to a small blue marking. "We have visual on the wreckage here. We'll get him out. Any word from Carter recently?"

"No." Phillips lied, "How long until you can bring him home?"

Howard shrugged and waved one hand back and forth. "A week to get out there, a day or so to get in and pull him out, then a week to get back."

Phillips nodded. "Not a word of this to anyone else, is that understood?"

Howard nodded. "Understood."

XxX

Peggy collapsed back on the pillows, relief flooding over her body as a loud wail pierced the air.

"He's a healthy little tyke," her midwife commented with a laugh, "Nice set of lungs."

Tears filled Peggy's eyes as her son was placed in her arms. "Yeah--" she choked, "He's perfect."

The baby settled down immediately in her arms and she ran a finger over his little nose in awe.

"Quite the head of hair." the other woman added.

Peggy smiled at the shock of thick blond hair. "Just like his father." she sighed.

The midwife quietly went about cleaning the room as Peggy held her newborn close.

"I love you." she whispered.

XxX

"Report." Phillips demanded into the communicator.

"I'm not sure how to say this, sir, but--" Howard's voice crackled back, "Steve is alive."

Phillips nearly dropped the device. "Explain yourself, Stark. I swear to God if you're pulling a fast one on me--"

"No, sir." Howard assured him, "It seems the serum put him into a sort of--sleep state. His body is perfectly preserved, if a bit frozen. He's breathing and his brain activity is up. He appears to be dreaming."

Phillips swore quietly. "Bring him home, Stark. And remember--"

"Not a word to anyone, I know."

XxX

Harvest season was nearly upon them now.

Peggy spent a week or more recovering from childbirth. Lucus had been born three weeks earlier than expected, and it hadn't been an easy birth.

Each day, the farmhands would call their greetings to her through the parlor windows as they made their way back out to the fields.

"They're remarkably like your uncles, darling." Peggy said matter-of-factly to the squirming infant in her arms, "I think they would turn into a bunch of mushy puppies if they met you."

The thought of her commandos making cooing noises and funny faces at a baby made her chuckle. "Maybe someday we'll pay them a visit, hmm?"

The phone rang shrilly behind her, startling her and causing Lucus to fuss quietly.

"Shit--" she muttered as she reached for the receiver, bouncing the infant gently to calm him.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry for calling, but there's something I need to talk to you about."

Peggy swallowed hard at the Colonel's tone. "Alright--um--hold on for just one moment."

She set the receiver on the table and pulled Lucus's cot closer to get him settled in before picking it back up and schooling herself.

"What is it?" she asked, hardly breathing. If Hydra found her--

"It's Steve."

Her heart stopped.

"Howard found the ship and pulled him out yesterday."

"Oh, God," she whispered, tears brimming.

"He's alive, Peggy."

Her brain stopped. The phone fell from her hands and her ears rang.

"Carter--"

She picked the phone up off the floor and held it to her ear.

"I'm sorry, sir, did you say--"

"I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. I spoke with him on the phone myself just an hour ago."

"Oh my God." she breathed.

"Stark said it was the serum that saved him--put him in some sort of coma while he was down there. He woke up as soon as his body was warmed up to a sustainable temperature or something like that."

Peggy's mouth opened and shut wordlessly.

"When I spoke with him he was still waking up, but he kept asking for you."

Tears streamed down her cheeks and she covered her mouth, eyes locked on her son's little arms as they waved happily.

"Did you say anything about--"

"No."

Peggy's shoulders relaxed and she sniffled. "When is he--"

"Due in on Thursday." Phillips answered, "You'll be getting a letter any minute now with enough money to cover the trip if you decide to come back."

"Thank you, Colonel." she whispered breathlessly.

"How are you getting on?" he asked, changing the tone of the conversation to lighten the mood.

"Well enough, I suppose. He keeps me up all hours of the night, but he's healthy and that's all a mum can ask for, right?"

"Do you want me to tell them you're coming?"

Peggy chewed her bottom lip for a moment before replying.

"Yeah," she sighed, "but if you could leave Lucus out of it until we've arranged a safe meet-up location--"

"Understood." Phillips agreed, "It'll be nice to see you."

The line went dead and Peggy buried her face in her hands, the surreal quality of the last few minutes making her dizzy.

Lucas wailed, bringing her out of her thoughts and she lifted him out of the cot.

"Oh, it's alright, my little love," she spoke softly, "We're going on a little trip to meet some very important people."

Lucas whimpered a little and snuggled into her chest.

"I think they're going to love you."

XxX

The train ride was far from comfortable with an infant in tow. Peggy's nerves were shot and she fought to keep calm as Lucas began to cry again.

The passengers around her sent her a mixture of sympathetic and annoyed looks and she barely resisted rolling her eyes.

"Nearly there, darling." she promised softly as the train slowed.

Lucas settled down as they pulled to a stop and Peggy was the first to her feet and out of the car. She hadn't brought anything but a small bag with baby supplies. She could figure something out for herself when the time came.

The station was full of people walking or running here and there, pushing past one another with barely more than a glance.

Peggy headed strait for the toilet and settled in for a quick feed.

As Lucas ate greedily, Peggy pulled the location of her meeting with Phillips and the commandos and read it again even though she already had it memorized.

They were to meet at one of Howard's smaller, less extravagant houses near the station, and Peggy would be staying there as long as she was in town.

Lucas was fast asleep when she emerged from the toilet and turned in the direction of the main gates.

The faces grinning at her as she emerged sent a giddy shiver up her spine.

"Well, if it isn't our leading lady." Dugan grinned.

Peggy burst into laughter and quickened her pace. "Look at you all," she teased, "More sorry than I've ever seen you."

"And with a little one in her arms, she brings us down to our knees before we can even get out a simple 'hello'." Happy snorted.

"Shit, Peg, you could have said something before you left." Gabe added, the first to step forward and have a proper look at the sleeping child.

"I know, and I wanted to tell you all weeks before I decided to go," she apologized, "but somehow I couldn't bring myself to tell you and leave on top of it. You would have never let me walk out of that room if you had known."

They each took their turn inspecting Lucas, immediately followed by comments of dust in their eyes as they turned away with tears in their eyes.

"Just wait until he wakes up," she laughed, "He's a right angel. You poor suckers will have no chance."

XxX

She was right, of course.

Lucas was sleeping peacefully on a soft blanket in the middle of Howard's sitting room, encircled by the commandos as Peggy observed from her seat on the couch.

Every now and again, one would reach out and slip a finger into a tiny fist or stroke his hair shyly.

It was no surprise to Peggy when every single man in the circle choked up as Lucas began to stir, cooing quietly as his eyes opened a fraction at a time.

As soon as he realized he was not near his mother or in a familiar place, he began fussing, little fists and feet flailing.

Peggy pulled herself to her feet and stepped between Jacques and Morita, wrapping Lucas in the blanket and lifting him gently into her arms.

He quieted almost instantly and she glanced around the circle. "Who's first?"

They all looked equally eager and terrified.

"He doesn't bite." she encouraged, kneeling down in front of Dugan and holding the baby out.

Dugan floundered nervously as he struggled to make his tree trunk sized arms safely hold the tiny infant.

"That's it," Peggy encouraged, "Just mind his head. Well done."

Dugan grinned proudly and studied Lucas's face.

"You did good, Peg."

XxX

"Remember, if you want out, give us the signal." Phillips stressed as they stood in front of the sliding door to Steve's room.

Peggy nodded and gently placed a sleeping Lucas into the Colonel's arms. "If he fusses, call me back."

He nodded in agreement and pressed the yellow button next to the door.

"Peg?"

His voice was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard. Tears filled her eyes and she ran to him, folding herself into his embrace.

"Oh, God, Steve--" she cried, clinging to him tighter.

"I'm so sorry." he apologized, "I'm late."

Peggy shook her head. "What's important is that you're here now."

He kissed her lovingly. "I love you. God--I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you. Marry me?"

She snorted. "In your dreams," she teased.

He grinned and got down on one knee. "I'm serious, Peg. Marry me?"

Peggy's face fell and her eyes began welling up. "Steven--"

Steve hung his head. "It's alright. I knew as soon as Howard told me how long it had been. You've found someone else, haven't you? That's alright. As long as you're happy, I will be too."

She burst into laughter and knelt down on the floor beside him. "Don't be such an idiot, darling. Of course I'll marry you. There's no one out there that could ever make me as happy as you do."

His grin returned and he kissed her again.

Peggy pulled away after a moment. "Alright, that's a lie. There is one other person who makes me so unbelievably happy that sometimes I can hardly believe he's real."

Steve frowned and opened his mouth to reply, but they were interrupted by the intercom system.

Judging by the newborn's cries, Lucas was awake and Uncle Chester was terrible with babies.

"God--" Peggy muttered as she got to her feet and returned to the door, "Remarkably ironic timing."

"Peggy--"

She ignored him and the door slid open to reveal Phillips and the screaming child.

"Oh, my love, what's wrong?" she cooed as she took him from the colonel and began bouncing him, "You're okay, see?"

Lucas squirmed in her arms for a moment, then settled down.

"There we go," she whispered, "That's mummy's good little boy."

She turned back to Steve with a shy smile on her face. "Steven, darling," she said, holding a hand out for him, "This is Lucas. Lucas, say hello to your daddy. He's just come back from a long trip."

Steve stumbled forward, tears in his eyes as he rushed to hold them in his arms. His hand shook as he rested it over Lucas's chest.

"Are you--" he choked.

Peggy pulled out of his arms and offered him the infant. "I found out just after we lost Bucky." she whispered as she helped him situate his arms to support the baby, "I didn't want to bring it up to you that night, and then--" 

She stopped, unable to continue.

Steve stared down at his son in awe. "And he's--" he asked, his voice thick.

Peggy looped an arm through his and leaned into him. "Picture of perfect health." she assured him, "He had strong lungs from the very beginning."

Steve laughed and sniffled. "Hello, Lucas. I'm your daddy. I'm so sorry for being gone so long. It looks like your mom has been taking care of you perfectly on her own. I love both of you very much."

He looked up at her and she raised up on her toes to kiss him. "We love you, too, my darling."

**end.**

 

 


End file.
